How Not To Say Farewell

Kiss My Ass, Literally!

A friend sent this to me and it is just too funny not to post. Apparently it has been going around since 2002. A real gem of a farewell e-mail. Take a look:

Subject: Kiss my Ass Bitch

Well as you all know today is my last day at the firm. I am not going to keep anything a secret like this bull shit firm likes to do. I understand that it was a consensus from the managers and partners that my employment with PwC should cease to exist. So I want to take this time to let all of you know how I feel about you:

To the partners, you are some of the most arrogant, pompus, jack asses I have ever met in my entire life. You have no heart. Just like you fired Mike Bodiker, like you fired Bob Sokol, yet you kept your six figure salary, and they had families, mortgages, etc. You really have some serious mental issues. I am not going to go out like that and not get my word out. So if you see me in person don’t even speak to me. Because I will DEFINITELY tell you how I feel about you to your face. Dave Whitman, you are an arrogant, selfish, racist BITCH. You think you are the shit because you are a partner. You ain’t shit or your fat ass ugly wife. She looks like she came straight out of the trailer park. You can’t even match your clothes right you pussy. You need some help as well. Stan, you are just fake.. That’s all that I can say about you. Ya’ll ain’t shit. Try to use big words, talk intelligent, you are an ignorant basturd. So Dave Whitman, John Quinn, Stan, Mark, and whoever else can kiss my blk ass.. I never liked none of ya’ll. I don’t care what you think about me.

Debbie Johnson you are just a fake BITCH. You smile in people’s face and talk shit behind their back. You ain’t nothing but a scandalous fake ass bitch.. I hope they pay you enough money to be fake…. All you will ever be is an HR lady for PricewaterhouseCoopers. And you probably got your job by sleeping with one of the partners you scandalolus BITCH. You ain’t shit but a ho for all the partners to pimp!!!!

Greg muller you can kiss my ass too. If I see you out in the streets, I will tell you the same.. You ain’t shit.. Been working here for years and I bet you don’t have over $5000 in the bank.. You are fake as hell too.. I have NO respect for you at ALL. So once again, you can kiss my blk ass. And if you see me out, don’t speak.

Steve Panning, kiss my blk ass you non dressing ugly ass fake BITCH. You have no balls man. And you going to step to me like you were upset with me for changing my schedule. You can kiss my ass like the rest of them. If I see you in person, please don’t speak unless you want to get told off.

Maybe I can take you shopping so you can find some clothes that match!! ps.. get a face lift and maybe you can get a prettier girlfriend!

Now that I have got that out of the way. I want to say thank you to the people that did remain my friends throughout my short time here. Monica, you know I will never forget you. You have given me a lot of help personally and professionally. Lindsey, Brian Kerrigan, Sara Beeler, I have no problem with you guys at all. Nancy you are truly wonderful. I really wish you well with this company. I’m sorry you had to read all of this foul language and stuff but as you can see I am highly upset. You are one of the nicest, sweetest ladies I have ever met in my entire life.

June you know you are my girl. It is about time someone voiced their opinion and let these fake people know what’s really going on. You know I don’t give a damn…

Now I am going to say that I am not sorry to go, or sad to leave. I truly hated this place. Getting up to come to work every morning was the worst thing that I have ever had to do. I know a bunch of you guys feel that way too but are too afraid to say it. Believe me I am not worried about finding a job, I was making money before I came to PwC, and I am making money now. I will make money today. As a matter of fact, I am making money as we speak. So never sleep on the shy quit people. Because we are always up to something. Do you think I was really going to just sit around and take your little $40K salary and be satisfied. I am about making real money. And this shit at PwC is no real money. So John Quinn you can take your $40K salary and stick it up your stuck up asshole. You fat fake bitch… Maybe you need to see Jenny Craig so you can loose some weight you fat bastard.

So in closing once again I would like to tell Greg Muller, Steve Panning, Stan Kwiatkoski, Dave Whitman, and of course that BITCH Debbie Johnson to kiss my ass.. I can not stress enough how much ya’ll ain’;t shit… Will Bryan, oh yeah I forgot.. You fake scandalous basturd. You know you ain’t shit.. Driving a damn ford escort… I can tell you don’t have no money. Oh yeah, you are probably taking care of them babies.. well have a good life basturd.

Debbie Johnson I have to call you a BITCH one more time. There is no better word that fits you. LOL You definitely ain’t shit…. I will call you a BITCH to your face…

And Dave Whitman, I will end with you. You just another fake, non dressing, arrogant bitch. I don’t know why you arrogant. If you got so much money, how come you can’t get a prettier wife than that. Instead of some fat, ugly hag? I don’t understand it.

Well I am out. If any of my FRIENDS want to get in touch with me. Please call my cell phone at 402-0728..

Take Care and I wish you well. *sarcastically*

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